3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
