Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
