y did u give ur computer a hand job?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
