I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
