Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
