I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
