I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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