Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
