so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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