she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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