This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
