..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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