My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
