when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
