I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
