wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dear god my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
