I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
