Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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