If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
