My nipple is on Facebook.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
