you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
