I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
