I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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