Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
