I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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