I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
