My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
