How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
