I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
