the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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