There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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