no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it glows. i had to have it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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