I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize