dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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