I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
