ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
