You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize