I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
