I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
