I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
