so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
