he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
