i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
