So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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