last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
