i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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