Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
