I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
