I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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