Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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