You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
