Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
