She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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