I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
