Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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