get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
