i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
