Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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