oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
