I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
