ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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