big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
