It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
