Already got asked if we're dating
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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