we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
