i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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