But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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