I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize