omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
