mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize