so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
